I don't care too much for Sundays, they're always shit, really boring days. Even if i was out doing something i'd still feel the same. I think. But i'm not, i'm home and thinking. The strange feeling of anxiety? is back, think i got rid of it during the week there but with my first day back at work on the horizon i'm starting to get all the feelings back. Its not that i hate my job, i've had worse, its not like i'm being bullied or i'm scared to go in, it's just the thought of going back to the questions and trying to act like i'm happy to be back i can't be arsed with. I can get on with most in work but the few that i can't stand are the ones i have more contact in work with and i can feel myself bubbling away inside when i think of going back and can see me snapping as soon as i walk in the door.
There is still issues to be resolved in there and i feel bringing that up won't help, it'll make things more awkward. I'm in a no win situation i feel, but if nothing is sorted then it's a sure thing i'll just storm out.

I'm trying to put a positive spin on it, telling myself to go in, head down and just work away but by being there and the way my work is, we have to talk and i know for a fact if i hear boring stories about what his wife made for dinner or what her husband done at the weekend, i will explode. This is just about two people, i'm never ignorant and will always acknowledge someone when they're talking to me, it's just they 2, i have no time for them, but i'll smile(maybe not) but i will seem interested and nod.

Looking for  a new job all the time, but even with my much talked about (in "bakers weekly") skills there is just not much happening, plus no one will pay what they have us on just now, so i need to be sensible and think long term. Do i want to be there in a years time? probably not. In a years time(max) do i want to have a car, my own place, a real social life etc? Of course i do. So i'll see how it goes on wednesday and realise that i need to be patient.

I just constantly think if i can get one thing out the way(my goals) everything will be easy but it always seems as if there is something holding me back, i.e work - if i'm not happy there, where i spend more time with people there than i do my familly, how can i possibly move upwards? I know i need to work to finish my driving lessons, which will open up new doors but it seems every month i'm not in a position to pay for them(£300-400 on fuck all but drink, taxis and pizzas etc i spent a few weeks ago would have seen me through my test, funny how i never thought of that then)

I think i know exactly what would make me happy. shhhh